Stealing An Umbrella With The Yakuza
I wanted to do something different with this blog post, and it's a pretty fun story.
In 2024 I was in Japan visiting a friend. It was his wedding, and I got the cheapest hostel to save money. I woke up to the sound of heavy rain. I made instant coffee in the hostel's cramped kitchen and I really needed a nicotine hit.
I knew there was a little cover outside and above the front door, but I also knew it was pretty much bad manners to smoke in the middle of the street in Japan. But, considering it was pouring rain and I didn't have an umbrella, and I used to vape back then (cringe I know, I don't do it anymore), I thought fuck it, I'll do it anyway.
So I finish my coffee, put on a jacket and head outside. I get that familiar nicotine high where I feel both a head-rush, and full body relaxation. I'm vibing, at peace with the universe.
A Japanese man comes out of the hostel, lights up a cigarette and we stand in silence for awhile. Both contently engaging with our regrettable dependencies.
He was way older than I was, about late 50's or early 60s. Fashionably dressed. I'd met a bunch of the older Japanese men at bars and izakayas, this guy was a bit different somehow, and I couldn't place why immediately.
I decide to make some memories and engage in some chit-chat. Pretty cool guy, spoke tiny bit of English, and I tried, in an honest effort, to use whatever small amount of Japanese in my tool belt I'd gleaned from my friend.
"Cheap" and a head shake was all I got in response when I asked him about the hostel. I don't remember what exactly I said back but I got a laugh out of him.
So here's the thing, tattoos, traditional Japanese tattoos, were usually an indicator of mob affiliation in Japan. So it's a bit taboo. I think it's kind of changing now with the younger generations, although it's still a social taboo and people cover them up. From his generation, it would have definitely been a major taboo.
And from what I could catch from his collar line and a bit of the edges of his sleeves, he was tatt'd as fuck.
I asked him what he did for work and, with cold dead seriousness and a thousand yard stare replied, "retired". I grinned like an idiot and said cool.
Now, I'd just woken up and none of this was really clicking. After my nicotine dependency was satiated, I was more concerned with grabbing something to eat. But I didn't have an umbrella. My new friend didn't have one either.
I noticed umbrellas by the door. It was early in the morning, around 05:00, and none of the other hostel patrons were really up. I figured I could borrow an umbrella, go to the convenience store down the road. And be back in less than a minute. Easy peasy.
I excitedly told my new friend "We can steal the umbrellas from the hostel, and we can go to the kombini and buy ourselves one". I didn't mean to use the word steal. I should have said borrowed.
Now, if you're unconvinced this guy wasn't maybe mob affiliated, this might slightly change your mind. "Steal? Ok lets go". Dude had zero qualms about the plan.
So we huddled, shoulder to shoulder, like two lovebirds under a small umbrella (hostel only had one) and headed to the convenience store. I thought I'd heard a chuckle out of him, probably because of how ridiculous this whole situation was. My Vans shoes were soaked by the time we made it to the store.
I picked up two of the 200 Yen umbrellas and went to the cashier and said "my gift to you". Man, this dude YANKED them out of my hand, and with cold dead eyes said "no, my gift to you".
I thought that was nice of him, thanked him, and we walked back to the hostel. We said our goodbyes and I deposited the umbrella taken from the hostel back to where it belonged.
It was only an hour later eating breakfast that I connected the dots and could guess what he "retired" from.
Now, I don't have concrete evidence, but I choose to believe he actually was a "family-man" as they call them over there, makes for more of an impressive story to tell when hanging out with the boys. I'd told my soon-to-be-married friend back then about the experience and he said it was possible.
I'll take it, hope he really was retired mobster.